ARGUING
Why do we argue? Why do we need to correct someone who sees the world differently from the way that we do? Why can’t we wonder how two thoughtful people who see the world in two different ways have come to have opposite viewpoints?
Arguing almost never works. We can almost never change the other person’s mind. If someone is trying to convince us we are wrong we immediately become defensive and resist. We refuse to listen and counterattack.
Oddly enough, on huge issues, we rarely even try. If someone is a Buddhist and we are a Christian, we leave it at that. We don’t even bother to argue. It is only when someone tries to force us to believe what they do, to convince us that what we feel to be true is wrong, that we resist.
The attempt by evangelical Christians to force all of us to fit into their beliefs by putting the Bible in every classroom or by using the Bible as God’s demand, doesn’t work because many people who don’t read the Bible and base their values on their life experience. But of course the opposite doesn’t work either, it is pointless to argue with a Christian fundamentalist, because he centers his life and identity on the Bible being fundamental. This is just one of the many reasons we have intense polarization in the USA Today.
Arguing doesn’t work, it just raises hackles on each side. Even democratic voting to settle an issue doesn’t work, because it is forcing the minority to accept the beliefs of the majority, often just a sliver of a majority since most of our elections turn out to be 51-49, or half and half.
The only thing that might work is hearing each other out and seeing if there are things that we can agree on or go half way on. Maybe our polarization could be lessened if we realized that all that either side wants is to be accepted and respected and not jeered at or made to feel looked down on. Maybe the way to civility is mutual respect.
BILLYBABA’S WANDERING 