KEEPING MY MOUTH SHUT
I was actually writing all week when my posts were blank, just not writing posts and what I was writing about I didn’t want to announce to the world. What I did finally announce to the world in retrospect was probably annoying to some people and hardly profound and of little use to anyone else, so maybe I shouldn’t have written what I did write. That is the risk of blurting out what you actually feel. But it probably didn’t do any harm either, I don’t think, and gave me something that I could write about and share and let people know I hadn’t had a Covid relapse. Not many people paid attention in any case.
But as I try to be more aware of my own passage through the world there are all kinds of things that are very intense within me and constantly rock my boat and show how vulnerable and out of sync with my friends and relatives that I wonder about to myself but then simply have to keep to myself. And so I do.
This means that my daily posts are one sided, only half the story and the half that is less intense than the half I don’t share. I don’t think I am any different from anyone else. I think we all have a secret life or a life that we try and keep private because if we would make a complete confession we would disturb or disappoint our friends and the people we love. It would be too painful all around if we were completely honest.
That is probably why most people are careful not to write or share anything personal at all. But some confession makes me feel better. I like to hear confessions as well. But it is a risky business. So I share what I can and don’t don’t share what I can’t and this week I was in a place where all I could share of what was rocking my boat was that I couldn’t share it.
BILLYBABA’S WANDERING 